buat apa juga mengeluh, karena semua energi akan tersedot tidak berguna

Scrambled sights

~As i walking into my dreams, not everyone positively sure it's the right one, except myself~

~There's not point in making someone else happy if happiness it self is not in me~

I love it

I almost forgot how hot it was living in the city. Was it this hot???

gosh..  as ussual,this sudden climate change, made me having another runny nose. 

It's been 5 months since i left this place. It hasn't change a bit. I miss it so  much!

.... i feel like there's still hope for me here...  

What Tha'...!@#)(!*^#!?????????????

A dear friend once told me that if i put my self in to something then perhaps, surprisingly, i could make something good. Not only that she's probably right, but it happens to be my major problems which i've been facing for the entire life - unable to stay focus to anything that i do-.

An hour ago, i made a phone call to my longtime bestf riend. I was just curious about things that has occupied him till he stop calling me for a month and perhaps i can meet him up for old time sake this week. He said he was so busy with his work and that he deleted his facebook account so that he can be more focus on his job rather on his social life which he admited he catch up in some other times. But it's not it... all this time he was trying to reach something that he really wanted. his longtime dream.It's the reason for him being anti social for the past year. He didn't have to tell me, but a single sentence is enough to describe everything "i got a scholarship to Australia".

I bet you already know what i always wanted....and i'm 80% sure you can figure what my problem is..right?... i bet... :D

Yes...it's true...having scholarship is the only thing i know since the moment my father set his foot on sydney for his master degree. Yes...it's correct..that all this time, i just unable to gather my focus on it and i just let it slip away from my fingers thousands of times.

why?

why?

and why?

gosh!! that "why" question is no longer valid for my situastion. but "Am I ..?

yes "Am I ..?"

"Am i going to live in despair because of all this?"

and that my friend it's the question i must bear nowdays. of course i'm in the middle of my crisis here!!!! ironically, at my age i'm suppose to have passed it years ago. Haha...!

I realise by thinkin of it, would be such a waste. *yess ... i think a lot more these days*

But i hope.. *God, i really need You right now* .. i can just get on with it and do something for my future sake.

- Cheers -

1st journey *wow...never thought it would be this early**

Just got an offer Job from a friend. Surprisingly, she'll be my superior. Kinda scary though. I am aware that she's the type of demanding boss, while i...on the other hand, unsure of my own capabilities hohoho..

Now the question is, take it? or leave it?

This is the 2nd offer from her. I didn't feel "bonding" chemistry after her friend interviewed me for 1st one , after all , i didn't quite fit for it either regarding my professional background. And now...i don't sense any rejection feelings nor the "bonding" thingie...

Few weeks ago, a dear friend popped out his words to my confusion. And for billions of times i heard, he said it again "what matter is, do something that makes you happy" and the same reaction i give to previous ones....another stood still emotion, and still don't know if the answer is not just a wishful thinking.

But at least, i can narrow down my interests. Something dynamic, soulful, energetic... and it can be...something related to media, creativity... or something like that. that's where my passion lies.. the chemistry placed..

Oh well... i will have my interview later next week. So if it meant to be mine..so be it then..if it isn't, i'm sure i'll have another

New this Year of 2010!! *naon deui*

I'm trying not to be selfish right now.
I used to exposed my negative energy in my blogs hehe...
But this time is different.
My positive vibe is currently lead me through the past few weeks. Though i had my bad moments, but i just found this weird figure who has come into my life for months now.

This is the first time..that i have so much in common with a person. I can sense my positive energy comes out every time he's around...delightfull ...indeed...calming....yes...

hmmmm
owh well...

i still need to sharpen my writings on expressing happy thoughts...hehe...so...BBFN..Bye bye for now... *cheers*

nyanya nya nya nya

when you turn 27, you started to get this thought of having an ideal life that every human being should have. a settled job, a nice place to live, an ideal boyfriend whom you surely does that he at least gonna propose you in the next moth before you turn 28... even though you don't have it right now, you assure yourself, that in certain age, it'll be all coming at you.

i'm 27, and i'm lucky enough to work in a company that doesn't do cut off in this crisis moment of year. number of boyfriend...zero, but i manage to opened my self to a relationship early this year, though it didn't last than two months, at least it's quite a record than last year.It's not easy to start another relation ship after a long break up, so for me, it's a quite achievement thought it didn't last long hehe...

hummm....i'm seriously don't know how to continue this writings...hehehe...so...i shall continue when i have thing...to write... ahahha

here's something that i surely do know

what i know now, what i know then
that i can't expect someone to understand the way i do

what i know now, what i know then
the concept of interpreting fact is different from one another

what i know now, what i know then
that the concept of evolutionary changes is different from each other

what i know now, what i know then
changes will seperate two kinds into a different path

what i know now, what i know then
it takes an open mind to understand but a good heart to act wisely

what i know now, what i know then
accepting oneself is harder than accepting other

what i know now, what i know then
that hatred is nothing more than consuming the heart

what i know now,what i know then
learning to let go is easier that it thinks

sigh...

So i woke up this morning from the worst nightmare ever. and i reflected call him immidiatelly with my eyes barely open.

he replied with a cold answer. i don't know what i think. Maybe it's best for me just to make it all stop.

dingin banget!! seremmm

If you just realize

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on me
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn’t I, didn’t I tell you
But I can’t spell it out for you
No it’s never gonna be that simple
No I can’t spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we’d be perfect for each other
And we’ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We’d never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I’m on your side
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I’m on your side
Oh ooo oh ooo oh
But I can’t spell it out for you
No it’s never gonna be that simple
No I can’t spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we’d be perfect for each other
And we’ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We’d never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

It’s not the same
No it’s never the same
If you don’t feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we’d be perfect for each other
And we’ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We’d never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize
What I just realized
That we’d be perfect for each other
And we’ll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We’d never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

Sigh........

I Haven't been such a nice person lately.
been like this since the day i stepped my feet on the city.
It's the fear who takes all the blame...my fear...and now it's my mistake to bear.

Been all alone lately
It's the consequence i have to face

Pfffff......

Happy Birthday Dad...

15 August...

i should've wrote this an hour ago...since my dad's birthday was 15 august...

Happy Birthday dad...i haven't been yours to proud..but i'll keep fighting till my last breath

I Love you....

Longing for someone sing this words....

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Saya yang waktu itu lagi ngga beruntung

Menurut saya, "Cinta" adalah sebuah term yang hebat, cinta adalah alasan manusia berbuat baik dan cinta juga alasan manusia saling membunuh satu sama lain. Karena cinta saya bisa menjadi sangat beruntung bisa hidup sampai sekarang dan karena cinta juga saya pernah merasakan titik terendah dalam hidup saya.

Padahal lagi bareng bersama orang yang tersayang, tapi film yang ditonton malah jadi mengingatkan saya pada kehebatan sebuah cinta, ketika cinta membuat semua hidup saya berubah 180 derajat, ketika cinta membuat saya sengaja berubah 180 derajat, ketika cinta membuat saya ga punya apa-apa, ketika cinta memutuskan untuk pergi dalam hidup saya, ketika saya pikir cinta sudah tidak ada yang tersisa dalam kehidupan saya, ketika saya merasa bahwa cinta tidak pernah ada dalam hidup saya.

Hummmm.....waktu itu saya memang benar-benar pada titik yang paling bawah....

Entah ya..masa lalu nampak membekas sekali

Si Tempat Nyaman

Beberapa tahun kebelakang, memang sangat sulit untuk saya melepaskan semua yang nampak sangat indah. Senyuman dibalik kebahagiaan, tawa dibalik kesedihan, amarah dibalik kemunafikan tapi semua membawakan rasa nyaman yang membuat saya sangat sulit untuk meninggalkan begitu saja. Siapa sangka, saya bisa bertahan dilingkaran keluarga mini ini begitu lama. Awalnya saya pikir, ini hanya tempat persinggahan sementara dimana saya bisa memetik sari-sari ilmu yang bisa menguntungkan untuk saya. Ternyata saya malah tertarik oleh gravitasi kenyamanan di sebuah tempat di jalan diponegoro no.21 FOR ABOUT 8 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!

....Saya sempet mikir akan beberapa hal yang bikin saya jadi sangat merasa nyaman di tempat ini.

Siaran terakhir saya, Saturday Night Guide. Ngga sespekta titin di morning shownya sih memang...tapi karena acaranya hari sabtu malam, jam 11 sampe 1, ngga banyak temen-temen yang biasanya meramaikan tempat mini itu sampe sumpek pisan banget!, jadi ngasih saya banyak untuk menganalisis semua magnet yang bikin saya nempel ditempat ini selama 8 taun lamanya (boo...8 taunn adanyaaa ajyaaa!!).

Humm....ruang siaran...tempat ini udah dimake over dua kali. studio ini cukup besar untuk diisi oleh 2 orang penyiar, dan cukup besar juga untuk menampung hampir 20 orang untuk teriak-teriak sambil niup terompet di setiap pergantian taun, cukup nyaman juga untuk dipake ngorok oleh grupies sky (si beta), opp sky (beta juga), produser sky (beta lagi), dan pacar penyiarnya sky (masih si beta ko...da intinya mah si beta teh ngoroknya gila-gilaan!!!).Iya, nyaman banget!!, ruangan ini sering banget jadi tempat curhat penyiar2 sky yang putus, baru akan jadian, stress gara-gara ditinggal kawin mantan, bete gara-gara dimarahin bang muda, bete gara-gara kang adli nyebelin, stress karena mo nikah, atau bahkan cuman obrolan2 ngga penting sampe suaranya masuk on-air.Ruangan ini juga yang bikin saya jadi sedikit lebih pede, dan lebih banyak menjadi seorang narsis. Bisa ngomong seenak udel, tanpa harus keliatan cantik (da ngga ada orang yang liat juga gitu), atoo bahkan...ngga perlu mandi juga :P..ato...bahkan ga pake kolor?? HAHAHA

Ko bisa yah...hanya seperangkat mixer dan 2 flat monitor diatasnya, bisa ngehalangin saya untuk gerak selama 8 tahun..bahkan sampai rela bolak balik jakarta tiap minggu selama setaun, hanya untuk bisa masuk ke ruangan ini...hebat.

Kalo dulu, saya takut masuk ruangan ini..sekarang saya takut keluar dari ruangan ini...

Saya lupa kapan pertama kali saya masuk ruangan ini,tapi yang pasti,terakhir saya menempati ruangan ini,saya sempat menghabiskannya dengan sahabat terbaik yang saya dapatkan dari tempat ini.

Hehehe... I hate to say goodbye and i don't like farewell party...one thing for sure is, the room will always in me as i in the room (hahahah nampak seperti kuntil anak hahaha)